November 23, 2008

My back hurts a lot today. A lot. The fear of something not working, of something being broken, of something being even worse plagues me. And I did not sleep last night.

I was at the ER with my daughter all Thursday night (from 1:30am-8:30 am) because she got the barfs. On the negative side, not one person at the Children’s Hospital ER could get a vein in her arm to give her an IV. But what a trooper she was, asking, pleading, “Is this one a good vein?” as she gritted her teeth and looked away. On the plus side, they gave her anti-nausea medicine that dissolves under the tongue and she began taking sips of Sprite, and began to get better on her own without an IV. This confirms my (and our pediatrician’s) thinking that she may be outgrowing the cyclic vomiting. Next time, we try this at home, and take her into the ER only if absolutely necessary. It does her no good to sit in the bright germ-infested ER unless she must, must, must be there. Sleeping (kind of) upright in an ER chair is not good if you have just had spinal fusion surgery. Just saying.

My husband is unemployed, at least in terms of being paid. We are by turns faithful and trusting in God and by other turns completely freaked the fuck out. He deserves better than how he has been and is being treated and I am so angry on his behalf. Unfortunately my anger sometimes turns on him, which is oh-so-super-productive-loving-and-supportive.  He needs this like he needs a gaping hole in his gut.  Yay for me.

My kids will be home for three extra days this week. And if they argue from Wednesday-Friday as they have been arguing today, I may sign away my parental rights.

Christmas is coming up. A great great time to be concerned about money.

I have a friend whose child has an enormously rare disease, and they face this with grace and dignity. I am whiny and weak and frankly, not very full of much grace or dignity.

God, I have good friends, good family, good books, and I am such an uberbitch today. Some of it is lack of sleep, some of it is concern for Tim, some of it is pain, some of it is the effect of the medicine on my mental state. And well, frankly, sometimes, I’m just a bitch.

Aren’t y’all glad I’m back to blogging regularly?


3 Responses to “Waaaaaa!”

  1. Erica said

    Yes, but I keep forgetting that you are, and then I forget to check you.

    Hey, Tim and I decided that I’m bringing you guys dinner the first week in December. That would be on a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, or Saturday. Have you a preference? Any food requests in mind? Do you still have people bringing you food? Do you want to push me off to the second week of December because your fridge is so stinkin’ full you’ll gag if anyone else brings you food in the near future?

    And, how do you feel about seafood? Specifically, a white fish like, say, tilapia? And how do you feel about pecans? Or brown butter sauce, have you any opinions on brown butter sauce?

    Just curious.
    Erica, who will pray on her cold cold bike ride tomorrow that she is GOING to make.

  2. Deneen said

    Beth-So sorry your back is hurting so bad. I just know its going to turn soon for the better.

    Erica-Just for the record, I’m good with pecans and brown butter sauce.

  3. Beth said


    I lurve white fish, like say, tilapia. And heavens, my opinions of pecans and brown butter sauce is exceptionally high.

    When I first read your response, I thought you meant “Yep, you’re a bitch,” but I’m thinking that you meant “Yep you’re glad I’m blogging.” At least, I’m going with that!

    In all seriousness, thanks for your prayers on your cold cold bike ride. They sustain us right now.

    And Deneen, thanks for your encouragement. It’s a special gift of yours.

    I’m grateful for you both!

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