In which I vent my back

October 29, 2008

I’ve never understood the venting the spleen thing. To my knowledge my spleen is fine and dandy, but my back hurts like total crap all the time. So if anything needs venting, I’d say it’s my back.

I always find it ironic that after I post a beatific piece about the wonder of my children that they spend the next few days acting like complete jerks. Whateves!

Today I feel like a shelled out hull of a human being. That feeling alternates with one where I feel as though I’ve gulped poison and I’m seeping some kind of low level vitriol all over everyone in my path.

I am, in a word, stressed.

I am not going to have everything and everyone in a state of perfect harmony before my scheduled surgery a week from today. I will not get to the kids to stop bickering and picking at one another. It remains doubtful whether Tim will ever grasp The Chip Bags for Each Kid’s Lunch Saga:  Fritos — Rob, sometimes Abby; Lays — always Abby; Red Dorritos — everyone; Blue Doritos — Rob and Dan, emphatically not Abby; Sour Cream & Onion — Dan and only Dan; BBQ — Rob, especially, but sometimes Dan too…hey I keep a lot of complicated information in this old brain of mine!  Which may be why I can never find the car keys.

I received the information packet from the surgeon, which contained (inexplicably) a bottle of cleanser to be used the night before and the morning of surgery.  Do people come to surgery…dirty?  The letter with the packet also reminded me that because Dr. F. is a neurosurgeon, he sometimes has emergent cases that make postponements necessary for the rest of us.  I sincerely hope that nobody blows an aneurysm on Tuesday night, or any other night for that matter.  I just feel like if we have to reschedule that I might blow an aneurysm.

I’m trying to plow through my to-do list:  the boys have both grown out of their winter coats and need bigger ones; I am trying to write a letter to each kid for each day I’ll be in the hospital; I am making lists for Tim (see Chip Saga, above); the kids all need their drawers changed over to winter clothes; I want to pick up some more Christmas presents for everyone this weekend.  And Halloween is Friday — goody!  Just what I need this weekend, kids ramped up on candy but still edgy about their mom’s surgery.  Wow, I bet everyone wants to hang out with me now!

I need something great to read in the next few days and something light and great to read in the hospital.  Suggestions are welcome.

So yeah, my stress goes directly back to my feelings of being out of control.  Yeah, yeah, the little things don’t matter — the big things will be taken care of.  I know.  And God will be with me in the pain.  Did I mention that there’s supposed to be hella pain, post-surgically.  I believe that I’ll have a morphine pump for a few days (this is never a bad thing, mind you), but I admit that I’ve been scared about how much it’s going to hurt.  And how I won’t be able to completely hide that from the kids.  And how very needy pain makes me feel.

Man, I’m tired, so so tired.  But I think I’ll go put post-its on the chips….

god, I’m kidding.  Kidding, okay?

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11 Responses to “In which I vent my back”

  1. Kristen said

    What’s wrong with post-its on chips? 😉 Seriously, look at your list and know that if 99% of it doesn’t get accomplished, the world will not end and your children will not be in therapy forever (well, they might but not because of what you didn’t get finished before your surgery). Take a deep breath and step off that wheel, gerbil.

    As for light and great, have you read all of the Catherine Alliott stuff? Maybe you should read a Kimberla Lawson Roby instead to take your mind off the pain. ::insert evil laughter::

  2. bethkoruna said

    You know someone is a true friend (though I just mistyped it as “fiend” hmmm.) when they can call you a gerbil in all love and affection. (at least I hope…)

    Oh yeah, the kids’ therapy shouldn’t be greatly increased because of this.

    Yep, I’ve read all the Alliott. But Roby? Of COURSE.

    And crap, I still haven’t sent you the recipe!!! 🙂

  3. Tim said

    I, for one, welcome my new post-it overlords.

    The whole reason I’ve asked you for lists is because I know that you, love, are the world’s foremost expert on our kids and all that stuff that keeps the family and household running. I’ll just do my best to keep things lurching forward while you recover.

  4. Kristen said

    Oh yeah, add sending me the recipe to your laundry list of things to do in the next 12 nanoseconds. I wish I still lived there so I could pitch in and help out right now (and after the surgery too but it sounds like your stress level needs serious work right now). In lieu of anything tangible, know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you.

  5. Beth said

    I am so stressed about the recipe. My godddddd — it’s pushing me over the edge!! Ah, what am I saying? I’m the worst correspondent at the best of times.

    And thoughts and prayers *are* tangible. Thanks, friend.

  6. Erica said

    Tim, I love that comment!

    Beth, have you read the Number One Ladies Detective Agency books? And even if you have, could it be time to get every last one of them and take them on your field trip to the hospital with you?

    If that won’t work, how do you feel about fantasy? Guy Gavriel Kay … either Tigana or The Lions of Al Rassan. He sort of takes history and re-writes it into a teesny bit of a fantasized world with a smidgen of magic and a whole cast of rather interesting and funny characters. If you like either fantasy or historical fiction or both, you’ll love these.

    Again, who’s doing your meals?
    And don’t tell me no one. You have a home group. It’s time for someone to take charge of the meals.

    And also, YOUR KIDS ATE ON THE CRUISE? What did they eat? I could make that for you …

  7. I was pondering your reading request when I remembered that I hardly read fiction at all and my idea of a fun read is “Hermeneutics, Authority, and Cannon”. That said, I have been reading Mike Nelson’s Mind Over Matters. Mike Nelson was the host of Mystery Science Theater 3000. This compendium of short stories (is that redundant?) contains some of the most hilarious writings that has caused my drink to come shooting out of my nose. You know me, I do not laugh out loud like Bilbo does. But in this case, he has my stomach cramping in pain and the tears shooting out of my eyes! Great stuff. Highly recommended.

  8. Beth said

    Thanks for the book recs. guys. I’m not usually a fantasy gal, Erica, but you have got me interested. And Sean, my friend, I won’t be taking “Hermeneutics, Authority and Cannon” — I would have to have a brain transplant to understand those! Can I confess now that I have never, ever, ever *really* understood the whole cannon thing? I’m hoping that God will explain it to me later. But I will look for the Mike Nelson stuff — for sure, Tim would enjoy it and since the surgery is 3-4 hours, that could really help pass the time for him too. And I know that Tim would ask you if you’ve read Terry Pratchet because he loves, loves, loves Pratchet and you guys have a very similar (read quirky!) sense of humor.

    Erica — Abby ate (for her) a ton of stuff on the cruise. But she has discovered a love for green salads and believe it or not, cold fruit soups! Yep, that’s my kid I’m talking about! But please, I would never ask anyone to make strawberry bisque!

  9. Terry Prachett! That’s his name! I borrowed a book from one of my classmates when I was in FL and I thought it was hilarious. I cannot for the life of me remember the title of the book, but it would have to be 1997 or earlier. I’m glad I didn’t scare you with me rambling e-mail. I’ve just gone through an awful lot lately where I seem to have fewer and fewer true friends and was afraid I might have done something to offend. But no, you guys were on a cruise! I have been a bit sensitive to any actions or inactions that I could interpret in the worst possible way. I hate that spinning out of control mental feeling that comes with uncertainty.

    By the way (I refuse to BTW!), both Kim and I are blogging now. Mine is here: http://asustainednuclearassault.blogspot.com/
    and hers is here:
    http://fromtheroyalfortressmeadow.blogspot.com/

  10. Erica said

    And yet, you leave no comment on who’s DOING YOUR MEALS!

    Don’t make me do it. I hate organizing things and I’m no good at it and I don’t know even an eighth of the people who want to make you dinner. Just appoint someone in your home group the meal queen and have her sign me up.

  11. Beth said

    Kimberly Boyer is arranging my meals! Thanks much for thinking of us. On a very stressful day (the day before surgery — ahhhhh — and for reasons I don’t understand, my daughter doesn’t have school, which is good in that I get to spend time with her and bad in that I have SOOO much to do!), you make me feel loved and important. Thank you, friend.

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