No, no I’m not actually dead…

February 2, 2008

…but I haven’t had much time or any energy to write. And my computer croaked and had to be resuscitated by the Laptop Guys. And I’ve been taking my mom to lots of appointments. And my back has been giving me problems — disc protusions and the like. Oh, and today, just for the heck of it, I’ve woken up with a wicked tooth ache.

To catch up: my mom is still not holding her hemoglobin levels, and she has officially flummoxed the doctors at the James. We’ve established that we don’t think there’s a bleed anywhere in her digestive track, which is good and bad news. Good because obviously internal bleeding is not desired, but bad because the doctors can’t figure out why her hemoglobin keeps dropping. She’s been getting transfused with at least two units of blood a week, and she’s been getting new medicine that is supposed to be fighting the cancer, but is also making her sicker and more tired in the short run.

I don’t have words, really, for how exhausting and hard this has all been.

Meanwhile, I had an MRI on my back that showed further problems at the L4-5 and L5-S1 levels (lower back). The debate seems to be whether or not the unrelenting pain can be helped with spinal fusion surgery. Over the next few months, I’ll be talking to a couple of different surgeons, gathering my own research, and I suppose, making a decision whether 60% odds of improvement is worth taking the surgical risk. But I know I don’t want to go on like this, which is about 100% sucky.

Oh yeah, and Tim’s consultant contract with the company at which he’s been working ended super abruptly — so as of yesterday, he’s what they call “on the bench” while his consulting company looks for somewhere else to place him. And no, the bench is not where one actually gets paid or anything. So we’re kind of screwed here in the short term.

In short, things are hard, hard, hard. Trying to hang in there, trying to hang in there with God (but a tooth ache, God? Really? I mean, I feel like someone is ramming a sharp stake into my jaw. On the plus side, it’s putting my back pain on the back burner temporarily.).

I just re-read this post, and I suppose it sounds like a litany of complaints. Sorry about that. But it’s all I’ve got right now.


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