Let’s play pretend…

August 8, 2007

Just to preface, this is all hypothetical. Mmmkay?

Say you were, oh I don’t know, picking your female offspring up from oh, let’s say Harry Potter Day Camp. You motivate your other children into the car (translation: you scream, “Shoes, shoes, shoes! We have to go! Now!” You speak in a lot of explanation points in this hypothetical situation.) You trudge across the sweltering parking lot, with one chattering child and one sullen one — sullen because for some reason unknown to man or beast, he was up half the night last night.

You are not at your best.

As you stand in the rec center waiting for your offspring to change out of her swimsuit — one child sullenly leaning against the wall, arms folded while the other child tries out his new “heelies” (yes, hypothetically, if your child had “heelies,” you would be a tool. Yet, based on past history, perhaps this shouldn’t surprise you) — a lovely, fit, nice-haired woman walks up to you and puts out her hand and says, “I knew I recognized you from somewhere!” In this absolutely unreal situation, know that hair is everything.

Because you? Well, maybe, just maybe you fell asleep on the couch while your boys watched some television drivel. So maybe your hair is…well let’s be kind and say, “matted,” why don’t we? And perhaps you forgot to use a brush before you left to pick up your daughter. And really, would some eyeliner or lip gloss have killed you? And sure, you could have foregone the chocolate cereal bar that probably left crumbs in the enormous corners of your mouth. But no. And yes, you definitely would have taken the leftover narcotics prescribed by your doctor after your minor fender bender last week. Because, honestly, any sense of well-being, false or otherwise, might benefit you here.

But as it is, you stand adrift with a woman you haven’t seen since your daughter’s playgroup days nine years ago. And she looks splendid. Not a day older. You feel like Methuselah. And then, as icing on the cake, your daughter loses her glasses, which gives you time to reflect on how wrinkly you look after napping on the couch. And to wonder if you should have put on extra deodorant. You might also have time to wonder just how many people from those days of your life that this woman is still in touch with.

She is lovely. Warm. Friendly and funny. And maybe, not as shallow as you? You hope.

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3 Responses to “Let’s play pretend…”

  1. kjames said

    dude, she’s *so* not thinking about you. she’s thinking about what you think about her.

    i would bet, just bet, that even if you thought you looked like shit? you looked fantastic. because you ALWAYS look fantastic.

    not that you were talking about yourself. no way. uh uh. this is all hypothetical.

    (you got in a fender bender with your new van! WTH!)

  2. Erica said

    Hypothetically, in that situation, I would guess that you didn’t look as bad as you thought because you are gorgeous and radiate the love of Jesus even at your worst.

    So there.

    Hypothetically.

  3. Amanda said

    haha!! 🙂 “leftover narcotics”! awesome 🙂

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