Calling it a Cookie Day

May 18, 2007

Well, I just dispatched with my Final Cookie Mom Duty — sorting the Prizes that each girl receives and bagging them individually to pass them out.

All in all, other than the 1,583 Boxes of Cookies piled in my dining room and living room which made my family feel as though we were living in a Jigsaw Puzzle, Cookie Season passed fairly smoothly, despite my many Reservations.

At least I didn’t Steal the Cookie Money as per this woman. Heaven help her and her poor Scouts that lost all that Cash.

I am a montage person by nature, but since I don’t have a video (damn, but I couldn’t get HBO interested in the documentary, “Saga of the Cookie Mom.”), I will bullet point the Highlights.

  • The many amusing and Deadly Serious e-mails I received. And the fact that said e-mails will probably forever affect my Capitalization.
  • The fact that the Cookie Handbook had a section about containment of Cookie Problems. Did you know that if you bite down on a Samoa and think that you’ve accidentally bitten into glass, it could well be just crystallized sugar? Who cares if your tongue is cut in half, right? It’s Sugar, Sugar, I tell ya. And in the case of Cookie Contamination, the Handbook told me that “arrangements would be made” to pick up the Contaminated material. I picture a Haz-Mat Girl Scout Council Crew specially appointed for such Disaster.
  • The many parents who were so thankful to me that I was doing this Job instead of them.
  • The mom from our troop (Hi Chris!) who has been Cookie Mom repeatedly (and she’s not Insane) for her various daughters, who held my hand and kept my chin up and showed me where the hell the Cookie Cupboard exists way out on Roberts Road in a Ginormous Warehouse. Cupboard. Warehouse. You say tomayto, I say tomahto.
  • The gentleman at Tim’s former workplace who kept buying boxes of Sugar Free Brownies. I wonder if he discovered (per the box instructions) that eating too many has a Laxative Effect?
  • The absolutely freezing nose-hair stiffening, can’t-feel-your-toes day we had our first Booth Sale.
  • The lovely, lovely man who bought Fifty Boxes at our second Booth Sale.
  • The alcohol I consumed after both Booth Sales.
  • The fact that I balanced to the penny, even despite 9 year old girls attempting to make change, after each Booth Sale. (Note: alcohol consumption began After balancing the money.)
  • The Jehovah’s Witness who came to the door when I had $3,000 in Cold Hard One Dollar Bills splayed across my living room floor.
  • Weirdly, the “doing of it.” It’s been so long since I’ve been in the professional workplace that maybe I doubted that I could manage a project and see it through to completion. I can do good work. And sometimes it’s hard to know that fact when one’s major task for the day is swiping up urine behind the toilet or coercing children to do a spelling page. I admit that I had a sense of accomplishment at the end of the Cookie Sale. I’m still not remotely a Girl Scout Type, and I think that the entire organization could use to bring their tracking methods at least into the 1990s, but…it’s done and while it was Every Bit as much Work as I feared, I did it. And dammit, I did it Well.

Frighteningly, I did such a Good Job, that I’m already being asked about Next Year. Whoooooops!


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