March 21, 2007

Her face looks pinched somehow and her legs look like twigs inside her too-loose jeans. A grayish pallor seems to have overtaken her.

So now we wait. Wait to see what tomorrow’s blood draw says about my mom’s cancer. But she has stopped taking the medication that seemed to sap her more with every passing day, and the doctor wants to see her in two weeks when all the toxic medicine has left her system so they can “re-evaluate” and “discuss some new experimental options.” By that point he should have her bloodwork numbers arrayed before him and be able to make a more sound decision as to what to do next. If the cancer has returned with a vengeance and the numbers reflect that…or if the cancer remains steady and the numbers reflect that…decisions will be based on this particular either/or.

We haven’t seen a downward spiral this alarming since she was diagnosed in February, 2005. And she knows that, though isn’t saying it in so many words. Her recent bone scan showed no new lesions from the cancer, so that seems to be good news. But…she feels so miserably awful right now and it’s hard to feel optimism about that. And being in limbo sucks. Not knowing sucks. Knowing can suck, for that matter too.

What I would ask in prayer: Grace, grace, grace for my family. God has been good and present and I choose to trust that He will continue to do so. And peace alongside a lack of fear — that would be good too. Sustenance for the waiting period and strength for whatever follows.

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2 Responses to “”

  1. john McCollum said

    I’m so sorry, Beth. If it helps, let Diane know that there are friends she didn’t even know she had that are praying for her.

  2. kjames said

    oh crap. i’m sorry beth. please know i’m praying for her, for all of you.

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