On and Off the Wagon

March 4, 2007

I did so well for nearly three weeks with not smoking. And then this past Tuesday morning, I hit a bit of a wall of emotional build-up. Suffice to say that I called Tim at work, and within the time I uttered two words, he decided to come home for lunch. Talk about a good man.

So I smoked on Tuesday.

But I got back on the wagon Wednesday, fully intending to stay there. But the road got bumpier as the week went on. I have this visual of an Oregon wagon train and me sitting in the very back, looking over the side at where I’ve been and wondering exactly where this trail is taking me. And as the road became more rutted and rocky — well, I slipped out again on Thursday. Without going into revealing details, I am working with doctors, some of whom refuse to work with me, to find a diagnosis and appropriate medical treatment for my child.

And oh yeah, Tim’s mom has colon cancer. But the prognosis is hopeful — only one polyp has been found to be malignant. Because of other medical issues, she needs to see a variety of doctors before surgery will occur at the end of March. The surgery will tell us what stage the cancer is in and if, God forbid, anything has spread. Please pray for Tim’s dad and his two sisters, as well as, of course, Tim. Right now, we’re all remaining as positive as possible.

And today? Abby has started vomiting. First, apologies to anyone we inadvertently exposed — please, oh please God, protect the McCollum children (Will Kori return my calls this week? Hmm…) and everyone else. Abby’s history with vomiting is BAD — once she starts she will usually vomit several times an hour for several hours and then dry heave for hours and hours after that. Doctors (at my medical sleuthing and research and pushing) believe that she has cyclic vomiting syndrome. (You gotta love a blog that takes you to a page about digestive diseases, don’t you?) She has ended up at Children’s Hospital ER repeatedly to be re-hydrated because often even an eye-dropper of fluid will come right back up. This past October we were admitted because her vomiting had been so severe for so long…so please pray for her. And please also pray for strength for what may well be a long night ahead..

I climbed back in the wagon yesterday and fell back out today.

I’m trying, I really am. And I’m standing by the truth that God’s mercies are new every day, in fact new every every minute.


5 Responses to “On and Off the Wagon”

  1. Adrienne said

    Abby and you are in my prayers! I know how long a night can seem when up with a kid. Hang in there and bless you guys. Hope you don’t have to go the hospital.

  2. Deneen said

    Oh, Beth. I will so be praying! (for Abby and for the “Plan” you developed w/ your doc. to either work, or not be necessary)!

  3. New, new, new EVERY morning, are God’s mercies.
    When you are walking through this valley of the shadow of death, remember, you are NOT ALONE! The Good Shepherd is by your side. Stick by His side. He will stomp off the path into the bracken and brush after you when you bolt from fear, dispair, and stress, and He will do it as many times as He needs to, blessed be His name! But stay by His side, the path goes better that way.

    I’m praying for you.
    I’m glad you were at church today even though I didn’t talk to you.
    I’m glad you were there to pray for people.

  4. kjames said

    suck, suck, suck, and suck!

    but yes, they are new every morning. i love you. hang in there.

  5. kjames said

    i posted a comment. i did! i don’t know where it went. i don’t even remember what it said, but it was encouraging.

    stupid wordpress eating my comment. ch.

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