McCollum Melee

February 26, 2007

After consulting with their attorney, the Koruna family wishes to issue the following statement:

We wish to make clear that the state of our son Dan’s (hereafter to be known as Toothless One or TO) mouth, which resembles that of a professional hockey player, appears at this point to be the result of two unfortunate accidents involving and related to the McCollum family. While the Korunas acknowledge that the McCollums appear to have stronger than usual knees and legs, they find no malfeasance on the part of either Chien McCollum (hereafter to be known as Knee Number One or KNO) or John McCollum (hereafter to be known as Knee or Leg Number Two or KLNT). The Korunas reserve the right to readdress this matter at the discovery of any evidence (for example a written plan detailing possible acts of violence that could lead to potential Koruna downfall) of collusion or general tomfoolery between KNO and KLNT (or any other member of the McCollum family, for example Xiu Dan McCollum, hereafter to be known as Sweet Cheeks or SC) that led to the de-toothing of TO. The Korunas do not wish to seek punitive damages (for example but not limited to a two dollar tooth fairy surcharge) at this time, but reserve the right to do so if the adult teeth of TO do not come in before the end of year 2009 and/or if TO continueth into hith adolesthent yearth with thith very apparent lithp.


2 Responses to “McCollum Melee”

  1. My attorney says that — as a matter of good faith — I should consider issuing a statement foreswearing my right to seek payment for dental fees, namely the expert extractions of teeth I performed last night.

  2. Beth Koruna said

    Maybe dental extraction could be a little side business for the family?

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