And yet there is more…about Cookies

January 22, 2007

Over the next 24 hours, Cookie forms come into the Cookie Mom’s house. Cookie Mom tabulates the numbers of boxes each Scout has sold, then enters this information into the all-encompassing, all-powerful T-2 form. Luckily, I received an e-mail with a special block of instructions as to how to handle the T-2. I would tell you more about this, but then I might have to kill you.

Cookie Mom’s husband (I’m trying out the title “First Cookie” for him) has promised, promised a spread sheet so that Cookie Mom is not forced into chicken scratch on legal pad. Cookie Mom anticipates a nervous week as she rounds up the numbers of boxes to determine the number of cases that must be ordered. Cases that will sit in my living room a mere few weeks from now. I’m considering getting an invisible fence to put around the Cookies and then a collar on each kid, so each receives a small shock (just a small one, really) if they pass into what will be known as Cookie Zone.

This week will be a small test of my Cookie Mettle. Here’s hoping…


8 Responses to “And yet there is more…about Cookies”

  1. AndyWhitman said

    “Cookie Mom’s husband (I’m trying out the title “First Cookie” for him)”

    I prefer “Most Honorable Tagalong.”

    Let me encourage you to be extra careful with the boxes to cases conversion. Yes, it’s okay to round up, but before rounding up you should make sure that that the number of boxes ordered corresponds to at least 90% of a full case. Otherwise, you end up wasting precious Girl Scout Cookies.

    The Girl Scout Cookie International Business Model is fairly complex, but the simple explanation is this: Sweatshops throughout Shanghai and Hangzhou Provinces bake the cookies (net cost: about $.02 per box), then carried by rickshaw to the port of Shanghai, where they are boxed, cased, and crated, and then shipped to the U.S. Girl Scout Cookie Distribution Center in Sugarland, Texas. They are then shipped to the various Regional Distribution Centers (Bountiful, UT, Sweet Lips, TN, etc.), where they are then shipped to the various Regional Tzars, who then distribute them to the network of Cookie Moms.

    That’s a lot of shipping, and it all adds up, so for this to remain a profitable venture, and for the U.S. Girl Scouts to remain a viable moral force in shaping the future leaders of the free world, you need to get a grip on ordering correctly. It sounds like no big deal, but when you multiply the potential for individual overstocking times the more than 3,645,000 Cookie Moms, you can see that the resulting over-baking could feed most of sub-Saharan Africa for several years. So think of it this way: the fate of the Third World is in your hands. As well as the fate of Womankind. Not to put any pressure you, but pleae make sure you order correctly.

  2. Beth Koruna said

    Good thing you capitalized Womankind.

    I’ll check with Most Honorable Tagalong to see how the spreadsheet data is coming.

    You may not realize that rebel forces in Iraq (heck, all over the world) are closely watching this year’s Cookie Sale for ideas as to how to implement totalitarian regimes. It all starts with Capitalizing the Right Words.

  3. AndyWhitman said

    Yes It Does.

    In addition, Internet Chatter suggests that The U.S. Girl Scout Cookie Distribution Center in Sugarland, Texas, may be the site of a Future Terrorist Attack. What more effective way can there be to undermine American Morale?

  4. Beth Koruna said

    You see, it’s so Subversive! Because Cookies seem like Mom and apple pie (only one sweet desset food should be capitalized, you know).

    The Plot Thickens…

  5. Tim said

    It’s all about what is capitalized. What you are allowed to Think, to Say, to Eat.

    One Folk, one Troop, one Cookie.

  6. Tim said

    [with abject apologies to J.R.R. Tolkien]

    Three Samoas for co-workers under the sky,
    Seven Do-Si-Dos for neighbors in their homes of stone,
    Nine Trefoils for relatives doomed to die,
    One for the Cookie Mom on her dark throne
    In the Land of Tagalongs, where the Shadows lie.
    One Cookie to rule them all, One Cookie to find them,
    One Cookie to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
    In the Land of Tagalongs where the Shadows lie.

  7. Deneen said

    Tim-hahahahahahaha. Methinks you have a wee bit too much time on your hands. Shouldn’t you be doing something useful? Like practicing your bass or something?

  8. Tim said

    Let the record show: Deneen has declared practicing bass “useful”.

    And there was much rejoicing.

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