Dodge Grand Caravan, 2007

January 4, 2007

We have a new mini-van. That sentence — wow. Implicit in that statement is the fact that we have owned a previous mini-van (two, in fact). Oh, you know the excuses. We didn’t mean to become MVP (mini-van people). Mini-vans are a whole lot cooler than they used to be (heck, our new one has a sun roof). Well, what were we supposed to do with three children in car seats under the age of three — which is when we got the first one — buy a Cadillac?

No. No excuses. We are a mini-van family. And…and…well, I…I…I like my mini-van.

There. I’ve said it. Admitting your issue is the first key to something isn’t it?

Frankly, I had a very tumultuous relationship with our previous van. It seemed to jump out at parked vehicles in an effort to scratch them and be dented. I often wondered if it had a suicide wish. One time, that van was backing straight out my garage when it lurched (yes, it lurched, not me as the driver) to the side and sideswiped my friend’s car parked in the driveway. How do you explain to someone that really, it’s not your fault, but that your van has a sickness? A need to be noticed, even for bad behavior. One evening, while I waited at my daughter’s dance class, the van was hit by another car. Who’s to say whether the other driver actually backed into it or if my van actually leaped in the way. Another time, the van was rear-ended (with me and the kids in it — Tim, of course, was in California at the time). Again, evidence was mounting that the van just asked for it. More times than I can count, someone opened their car door and slammed the side of the van. Accident? You be the judge.

It drove BIG. I don’t have any other word for it — just BIG. And damn, did it park BIG. I took to parking way out in the back of lots simply to avoid the feeling that I needed two guys with the little light sabers to guide me in.

So it’s not that I’m pro-mini-van per se. I’ve known the bad seed. But this new one…even though it’s the exact same size as Bad Van, it drives like buttah. The doors open and close with the click of a button. It has a DVD player in the ceiling. It has seat warmers! Seat warmers, I tell you. My butt has never been so hot. (No comments, please)

Okay, I’ll admit my part in the unhealthy relationship with Bad Van. My children ate a heretofore undetermined amount of chicken nuggets in the back of that van. And yes, they littered those nuggets occasionally. Paper, markers, crayons, juice boxes, candy, power rangers, polly pocket shoes…yes, at one time or another, these items and more scattered and spilled over the seats and carpets. Maybe the van just didn’t like being a mobile pigsty. Maybe I did contribute to its illness…

New rules: we don’t eat (well, much) in New Van (dubbed “Katie”). We take our junk inside rather than letting it fester in the van. We speak nicely of Katie. We do not taunt her. I have a trash bag at the ready all the time for inevitible trash emergencies. We show appreciation for our nice toasty bottoms. Everything’s much more cordial this time around. Granted, we may be in the honeymoon phase here, but I’m planning on investing, really investing in a good relationship this time. We’ll spend time together. I’ll listen more and talk less. We’ll do what she wants when we go out, at least within reason. I’ll treat her as an equal.

So…yes, we’re the geeky suburban family tooling around in our gas-guzzling girl. I embrace my inner un-coolness.

I have a new van and I like it. I’m ok, you’re (I mean the van) is ok.

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9 Responses to “Dodge Grand Caravan, 2007”

  1. erica said

    “I took to parking way out in the back of lots simply to avoid the feeling that I needed two guys with the little light sabers to guide me in.”

    HAAAAAAAAAA! That made me laugh.
    And also, TOTALY NOT FAIR banning the “hot ass” comments. TOTALLY NOT FAIR. It’s your blog, and I will respect it, but I am not happy about it. Congratulations, though. I prefer never to drive again without my butt warming seats. They’re also good if you hurt your lower back. Just thinking about it makes me want to go for a wee drive right now!

  2. Beth Koruna said

    For you, Erica (and only you), I will lift the ban on the hot ass comments. See — I’ve found a way for you to write something nice about me!

  3. kjames said

    yay! the old van is gone! i’m happy for you, because i know how much you hated that one. i’ve heard the grand caravans are nice (you know, for a mini van. 😉 )!

    seat warmers, holy crap i love them. our mini (NOT van) has them. sadly, i had to give up the idea of getting them in the pilot due to the nicer model being out of our price range. oh well. i would like to have them in both cars someday, though.

    so what color is it?

  4. Beth Koruna said

    kind of a gray-green with a bluish tone, very similar to your Pilot actually. Seat warmers — yay!

  5. Tracy said

    You know I still see the old van parked at the Dealership and he is sad. I think I heard him say as I drove by (because he knows my car) that he was sorry that he put you through all the accidents but he is just a depressed van. He wishes you well with your new van and will miss you.

  6. Beth Koruna said

    Maybe he needs van valium or a van anti-depressant!

  7. Deneen said

    OK, Beth. New van or no, I still say my Suburban can hold more Girl Scout cookies…I mean, Cookies, than any mini van. I don’t care what your high-and-mighty Girl Scout Cookie information says. Come Cookie pick-up time, be ready to stand in awe of the cavernous interior of the Suburban. Karen, we might even have room to park your mini inside, too. And, yes, we’ll all have hot asses (even if we do eat 3 consecutive boxes of Thin Mints).

  8. kjames said

    Deneen,
    if nothing else, we can put the mini on top of the suburban. but your paying for the gas. 😀

    let’s hear it for hot asses!

  9. Easy Home said

    This is very nice and informative post. I have bookmarked your site in order to find out your post in the future.

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