November 29, 2006

Oh my heavens…I just got an e-mail from the Girl Scouts regarding the MANDATORY MEETING re: being Cookie Mom for my daughter’s troop. I type in all caps because this was an all caps kind of e-mail.

Am I the only one who finds this a wee bit SCARY?

This is a MANDATORY meeting. A Cookie Mom/Dad for each troop wishing to sell cookies must be present to get Cookie materials. All Cookie Moms/Dads MUST be registered. All girls wishing to sell cookies MUST be registered.

The first 45 minutes will deal with new information, banking procedures and a review of commonly made mistakes. After this, experienced Cookie people are welcome to leave, and a more in-depth training will follow for new Cookie people.

What are Cookie materials? What mistakes will I make? Because I’m certainly going to make mistakes, my friends. And will I ever get to be an experienced Cookie person? OMG I just realized that Cookie is always capitalized! Whyever, however did I get elected Cookie Mom? I’m too irreverent, too disorganized, too not-a-Girl-Scout type. Nothing against that type mind you, but have you ever talked to me about camping? How in-depth IS in-depth? At least I know that I AMMMMM registered. I’m going to start randomly Capitalizing words and start using MORE CAPS IN GENERAL. Maybe then I won’t be revealed to be the Cookie Mom Impostor that I actually am.

Live in fear little Troop.

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9 Responses to “”

  1. Deneen DeRodes said

    Oh, my dear Beth…

    Just one word of advice: keep the individual order forms .

  2. Are Girl Scout Cookies made from real Girl Scouts?

  3. CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME.

  4. bethkoruna said

    PEOPLE! GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE PEOPLE!

  5. AndyWhitman said

    Look, Girl Scout Cookies(TM) are Big Business. You can’t expect just any disorganized ALLCAPS LOVING mom to get it right. You need training. You should probably start right at the very beginning, and soak up as much Girl Scout Cookie knowledge and lore as possible from the veterans, those who have gone before you. I’d suggest that you volunteer for the Task Force to Plan the Plan to Develop the Girl Scout Cookie Mom Vision Statement. That should get you in on the ground floor, and allow you to glimpe firsthand the esoteric workings of the Girl Scout Corporate Culture. It will also provide invaluable networking opportunities where you can hobnob with various troop leaders and, through those connections maybe, one day, if you’re very lucky, become a troop leader yourself.

    But be careful. This can go wrong in so many ways. First, watch out for Tagalong/Samoa dyslexia. It is easy to confuse them because each features a chocolate outer coating and gooey caramel goodness on the inside. Just remember that the Tagalongs feature a peanut butter filling, while the Samoas boast a toasted coconut topping. Second, hone those higher math skills. This includes both addition and multiplication. You will need to add (AKA “count”) the number of boxes sold for each type of cookie. This number can vary from cookie type to cookie type. For example, it is not uncommon for a particular Girl Scout to sell, say, 1,458 boxes of Tagalongs, but only 1 box of Golden Yangles, the sugar-free cookie that tastes more like a Kleenex(TM) than a traditional cookie. You will need to record the number of boxes sold for each cookie type on the Official Girl Scout Cookie Tracking Form, available from your troop leader (remember, this could be you some day) or the Girl Scout Cookie Tsar, who you will meet at the upcoming mandatory meeting. Then, and this is where it gets tricky, you will need to multiply the number of boxes sold by 3, which represents the $3 per box sales price. Yes, you can use a calculator. Thus, for example, if your industrious Girl Scout sells 100 boxes of cookies, you will multiply the number of boxes by 3, and thus arrive at the final sum of $300. One word of warning: The Golden Yangles complicate the entire pricing structure. It’s not that uncommon for Girl Scout to sell the Golden Yangles at a reduced price. Nobody likes the damned things. For example, an enterprising Girl Scout might make the following offer to a potential client: “If you buy 6 boxes of Tagalongs, I’ll throw in 378 boxes of Golden Yangles, gratis.” If that happens, you may need to do some creative financing on the Official Girl Scout Cookie Tracking Form. The Girl Scout Cookie Tsar will have more information at the mandatory meeting.

    It’s challenging, but you can do it. Good luck, and don’t screw it up.

  6. bethkoruna said

    What was that again? 3 X 100 is ??????

    I think it’s clear: I.AM.NOT.WORTHY!!!!!!!!

    BTW, is there a blog-law against writing a response funnier than the actual post? You crack me up, friend.

  7. kjames said

    remind me, when greta is older, of this post so that i never, ever allow her to join girl scouts.
    πŸ˜€

  8. Beth Koruna said

    You can let her be a Girl Scout — but never, ever be late to the meeting where Cookie Mom is being decided! And have a built-in excuse (i.e. severe mental illness, too busy farming your crops, too involved with helping meth addicts regain their footing in life) so that when asked you say, “NO.” No is a complete sentence! πŸ˜€

  9. kjames said

    good to know. i will remember this and refuse to be Cookie Mom. no matter how revered she may be.

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